Let Someone Serve You in Suffering

From Gospel Translations

I don’t like asking for help. Frankly, I’d rather take care of myself, by myself.

But independence has become a thing of the past for me. Because of my disability and intensifying weakness, I can’t even get out of bed without help. My husband, Joel, shoulders nearly everything around our home, selflessly putting my needs before his. When he recently went out of town, I asked a friend to stay with me — though even that simple request felt humbling. I needed help with the smallest tasks: making coffee, bringing my food to the table, picking up afterward.

As my friend was leaving, I began to thank her, wanting to repay her in some way. But before I could finish, she interrupted me. “Thank you for letting me help you and telling me what you needed. You don’t know what a gift that was to me.”

Her words took me aback. I wasn’t sure how to respond, my eyes brimming with tears. I didn’t know how or why helping me was a gift to her, but I knew I needed to hear it. Maybe I wasn’t a burden or an inconvenience. What began as a gift to me, in some mysterious way, became a gift to her as well. This is the beauty of the body of Christ.

That experience made me wonder: Why is it so hard for me, and for many of us, to let others serve us in suffering?

Why We Resist

Asking for help makes us feel vulnerable. We can no longer pretend to be strong and capable, able to handle whatever we need on our own. Asking reveals that we’re weak and dependent.

Part of that vulnerability is the risk of rejection, since people can’t always respond to our requests. I remember reaching out to a friend during a difficult season, and when she couldn’t help, she offered alternatives — some that seemed to imply I didn’t really need what I had asked for. It stung to have my request dismissed, and for a while I hesitated to ask anyone else for help. Not asking felt safer than opening myself up to hurt again.

Sometimes we resist help because we’re embarrassed. We wonder if others will judge us or blame us for our situation — asking intrusive questions, making careless remarks, offering unsolicited advice. Those with modest or messy homes may fear scrutiny over where they live. Those in financial need may dread being labeled irresponsible or lazy. The sick may face insinuations that they “don’t look that ill.” When asking for help brings judgment, veiled or direct, we’d rather go without than feel the sting again.

Even when help comes without judgment, we’re still afraid of being a burden. No one wants to feel like a project or the object of pity. Most of us would rather serve than be served — giving feels noble while receiving feels awkward. Receiving is humbling, and so we resist it.

Peter felt that tension at the Last Supper when Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. He pulled back, declaring, “You shall never wash my feet” (John 13:8). Perhaps the act seemed too menial for his Lord; maybe Peter couldn’t bear the thought of Jesus stooping so low for him. But Jesus insisted: Unless Peter received this act of service, he could have no part with him.

When I step back and consider all the reasons I resist asking for help, the root issue is usually pride. I want to look strong and self-sufficient, freely serving others sacrificially — not the other way around. Admitting need exposes my weakness, invites rejection, and makes me vulnerable and uncomfortable. Yet Jesus calls us to humble ourselves and let others serve us.

What We Miss

Letting others help us not only meets our needs, but it also deepens our relationships. When we hide behind a mask of self-sufficiency, we may feel safe, but that safety costs more than we realize: Our needs go unmet, and we cut ourselves off from real intimacy. Sharing our weaknesses and needs invites others to draw closer, showing that we trust them enough to let them in. In the process, we receive the help we need, and our relationships grow richer.

Peter didn’t understand why Jesus needed to wash his feet, but Jesus explained to all the disciples: “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you” (John 13:14–15). Jesus was calling them into a life of mutual service, of both giving and receiving.

Paul echoes this truth in his image of the body of Christ: “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you’” (1 Corinthians 12:21). When we refuse help, we are implying we don’t need others, rejecting the very design that God intended for his people. God calls us into a life of mutual care, reminding us that “if one member suffers, all suffer together” (1 Corinthians 12:26). When one part of our body aches, the whole body feels it; the same is true of Christ’s body.

Paul offers a striking example of both serving and being served. He poured himself out for the church, yet when he was imprisoned, he depended on others. The Philippians cared for him repeatedly, sending gifts when no one else did, and he thanked them for sharing in his trouble. Paul reminded them that by serving him, fruit would abound to their credit, God himself would supply all their needs, and God would be glorified through it all (Philippians 4:17–20). This is how the body of Christ works: When we allow others to serve us, God blesses them and us, and his glory shines through both.

From that perspective, refusing to ask may actually deny others joy. We think we’re sparing them trouble, but in reality we may be withholding the opportunity for a blessing. As Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap” (Luke 6:38). When we ask for help, God blesses us through the hands of others, and he blesses them in return. What feels humbling to us may become joy to them.

How to Ask for Help

I’ve often struggled to ask for help without feeling like a burden. Maybe you have too. It can feel especially hard around Christmas, when everyone seems so busy. That’s when I most need a reminder to reach out, and the acronym SHARE (which I included in my Desperate for Hope Bible study) has helped me do it with both humility and honesty. I hope it can encourage you as well.

• Seek the Lord’s direction for whom to ask and how they might help (James 1:5).
• Honestly share what’s happening, even when it feels humbling (1 Peter 5:5).
• Ask specifically for what you need so others can help carry your burden (Galatians 6:2).
• Respect people’s limits, trusting God to provide through others if they cannot (Philippians 4:19).
• Encourage those who serve you, showing gratitude and praying for them (Romans 1:11–12).

There is joy in serving. But there is also humility and grace in allowing ourselves to be served.

The call is simple but not easy: Let others share the burden. Let them be part of God’s provision. Let them suffer with you by serving you.