Disciplines for Life/Meditation: Not Just for Gurus

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All couples fight. Styles of conflict may differ, but friction is inevitable. This is true for any two people who relate closely, be they roommates, co-workers, siblings, or lab partners. But because marriage is such an intimate relationship, fights between spouses are some of the most intense.

Nancy and I found this out soon after we married. She was used to cold warfare, I to Churchillian debates on the floor of Parliament. When conflict arose she withdrew behind a Berlin Wall of silence while I launched into emotional debate. She became intimidated. I got frustrated. The conflicts got worse.

So we talked about it, just the two of us, and we looked into the Bible to get some wisdom. We began to realize that our styles of handling conflict reflected worldly pat- terns of living that needed to change. We asked ourselves these questions: What does it mean for a husband to love his wife in the midst of a fight? What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband when she’d rather catch the first plane out of town? What does it mean to “not let the sun go down on your anger”? How is it that “a soft answer turns away wrath”? We prayed together about these issues and asked God to help us apply the Bible’s principles. We also asked him to help us resolve conflicts more quickly and learn something productive from each one.

In effect, what we did was practice the spiritual discipline of meditating on God’s Word with the purpose of changing our thinking...and our lives.

"Why does the intake of God’s Word often leave us so cold, and why don’t we have more success in our spiritual life? Puritan pastor Thomas Watson has the answer. ‘The reason we come away so cold from reading the Word is, because we do not warm ourselves at the fire of meditation."[1] —Donald Whitney

“Stop allowing yourself to be molded by means of the spirit of this world, but continue to be transformed in your soul by renewing your mind,” Paul told the Romans.[2] In our marital conflicts, my mind had been molded to fight in a selfish, aggressive way that hurt Nancy and damaged our relationship. How did this happen? The “spirit of this world” used past examples and experiences to get me to believe this was the way to fight. My mind had adopted manipulative methods rather than the Bible’s clear command to be “gentle, not quarrelsome” (1Ti 3:3). Though I was certainly out of line, my behavior was not unique. Often our thinking conforms to the world’s pattern and we’re not even aware of it.

1 What was the first lifestyle change you made after becoming a Christian?






When the Spirit shed light on my failure to communicate lovingly with Nancy, I then became responsible for reprogramming my thoughts. That’s the partnership Paul describes in Romans 12: God reveals, but we must renew. Insight and power for change come from the Holy Spirit, but the initiative must come from us. For me, that meant imitating a different mode of behavior when I disagreed with Nancy. It required making a conscious effort to speak softly to her. I had to make understanding a higher priority than self-expression. Sometimes I fail and revisit my old pressuring ways. But thanks to her patience and my practice, this is no longer a problem in our marriage.

What areas of your life have been shaped by the world’s mold instead of God’s mold? Is there some habit of your flesh that sin has deeply ingrained in your soul? Do you struggle with an enslaving habit, self-pity, uncontrolled anger?

Meditate on Philippians 4:8-9. What one excellent or praiseworthy thing can you meditate on today?

Your Father in heaven knows your symptoms. He also knows the cure: renewing your mind through meditation. Each day, as the Spirit reveals through Scripture where change is required, you can mentally discard wrong pat- terns of thinking and mentally acquire righteous patterns. Not only will you be shutting out the darkness, but you will be turning on the light: “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2Co 3:18).

A Bad First Impression

What do you think when you hear the word “meditation”? Many imagine someone with a name like Maharishi sitting cross-legged on the ground, eyes closed, chanting a meaningless word over and over until he experiences cosmic revelation. It’s no wonder we’re a little hesitant when it comes to practicing biblical meditation.

Eastern religions and Christianity approach meditation very differently. In his book Song of Ascents, E. Stanley Jones quotes a famous swami in India who taught his disciples, “Kill the mind and then, and then only, can you meditate.” It’s different for Christians. Instead of emptying our minds, we seek to fill them with God’s truth. Instead of listening to nothing, we’re listening to God to see what he wants to say. Biblical meditation involves looking at the Word, comparing it to our lives and to the world we live in, and then responding with concrete changes.

For Further Study: Read 1 Kings 19:11-13. What sign alerted Elijah to God’s presence? Do you find that significant?

Meditation might seem more attractive if the Holy Spirit communicated at the urgent, breathless pace of a radio broadcaster or if the Scriptures read like the cover of a news magazine. That’s not the case, however. The Word and the Spirit speak an earth-shaking truth, but quietly. Sometimes we have to strain our ears to hear. Sometimes the Spirit withholds the meaning of Scripture to get at something else in our lives. The problem is not in his speaking but in our listening. He will not force us to listen to him. He comes and quietly says, “I’ve got something I’d like to say to you. I’ll just wait patiently until you are quiet enough to listen.”

"Let us represent him unto our minds as we find him described in the Gospel; and there we shall behold the perfections of the Divine nature, though covered with the veil of human infirmities; and when we have framed unto ourselves the clearest notion that we can of a being, infinite in power, in wisdom, and goodness, the author and fountain of all perfection, let us fix the eyes of our soul upon it, that our eyes may affect our heart; and, while we are musing, the fire will burn.[3] — Henry Scougal

Although this chapter will cover a number of practical techniques for meditating effectively on Scripture, it’s the end result—hearing and obeying God—that really matters. Imitating someone else’s method can be helpful in getting started, but what is important is that whatever we do we stick to eliminating distractions, filling our minds with truth, and then waiting.

Distractions

Overcoming a fear of meditation is only the first obstacle in our path. We still face three adversaries, as missionary and martyr Jim Elliot wrote, that can easily rob us of delight during these intimate times with God. “I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize in three elements: noise, hurry, crowds....Satan is quite aware of the power of silence.”[4]

Noise. Back when I was in high school I used to think I could do my homework in front of the TV. For some rea- son Archie Bunker was always more interesting than trigonometry! It doesn’t take much volume for the TV or radio to distract us from the discipline of meditation. Most of us have noisy minds. I can be in a perfectly quiet place trying to meditate and my mind suddenly kicks into high gear and drives me down some country lane that leads to nowhere. We might as well admit there are a lot of things initially more interesting than Scripture. Regardless of what distracts us, though—pressures, responsibilities, or a lack of discipline—we need to learn to quiet our minds.

"Are we training ourselves only in Christian activity, as good as that may be, or are we training ourselves first of all in godliness?[5] — Jerry Bridges

Hurry. Modern technology has greatly accelerated the pace of most everyone’s life. Microwave ovens, fax machines, and computers have made every second more significant. I sometimes find myself living in overdrive. Two days into vacation, when I’ve finally slowed down enough to relax, Nancy will jokingly remark, “Good to see you’ve finally arrived!” The Lord probably feels much the same. It’s extremely difficult to meditate when we’re always in a hurry. To meditate we must first slow our bodies, then our minds so we can focus on the matters at hand. This is why I find the early morning my best time for meditation; my mind has yet to get wound up with the “to do’s” of the day.

Crowds. Some of us are always around people. Fellow- ship and outreach are great, but depending too much on interaction with others is unhealthy. There’s a certain security and affirmation we can only get from our relationship with God, and that relationship requires time alone with him. The silence might be intimidating at first. In time, though, these moments away from the crowd—these private encounters with God—will become a source of great strength and joy.


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